Giving up cigarettes

This year I have decided to give up smoking. Now that I’m actually giving up, I have to say it’s pretty bloody difficult.

I had decided to give up before I was 30 a long time ago — when I was about 21 I think. This had always struck me as reasonable: it is not that I don’t enjoy smoking, but giving up before I turned thirty would give my lungs the chance to recover before the slow decline of middle age took over. And as I puffed my way through my twenties I did make the occasional fitful attempt: I stopped after university for about eight months; I cut down hugely whilst working more internationally. And yet; and yet. There is just something so … awesome about nicotine. It’s fantastic. You feel sharper. You even get to go outside for a smoke. And so it never quite happened and I continued smoking away.

This is the year I turn 30. Apart from feeling horrendously old, I am feeling the need to get myself more in shape and sorted out or my middle age will alas be a short one. I had thought to give up at New Year: I did cut down, but I just couldn’t quite manage to stop entirely. And so I’m now trying to give up again, this time for Lent. I think 40 days (excluding Sundays) should be long enough to overcome this addiction.

But it is tough. It’s not that I actually want a cigarette: they smell unpleasant, they taste pretty grim, they make me feel pretty gruesome after a heavy night, they even impact my sleep. But I do want to smoke. I want the nicotine hit, the swim, the rush. I want that smell of fine tobacco. I even think I want the taste. There are those particularly tricky times when all I can think about is how much I want a cigarette right now. And then there are the “phantom” withdrawal symptons: the shakes, the bone-aches, the nausea, the knowledge that I could make it all so much better with one little smoke. But this is it. This is the chance to stop smoking. And I really need to tough it out now if I’m ever going to give up before I’m thirty.

Besides those things are bastardly expensive.

Now I know that no one likes a quitter, but any tips would be much appreciated …